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Reviews for One Big Mistake

By : Atomica_Syndrome

From LaurenGraceJurious on August 31, 2007
You continue to draw us deeper and deeper into this world you've created for Jodi, until even us readers are forgetting where we are! I can't wait to find out how the Hessian ends up relating to all of this, or if he does or not, or what it will eventually mean to him. I'm looking very forward to seeing how you write him again when the opportunity presents itself. Right now, Jodi's getting used to his "world" and that has to happen, so don't feel like you're stringing us all along and we're not entertained, we are. There's too much going on that is too strange to Jodi for us not to be! And besides, the more Jodi is used to where she is and understands, the better she and the Hessian are going to be able to relate to one another, and therefore, the easier it will be to write them together, too.

Once more, a wonderful chapter! I like that Jodi has this contemporary guilt about the slave, wants to help with the chores and such. Very appropriate and real, most of us would feel that if we were in that situation. Again, you know how to use the "gift" of feeling out of place that we would all naturally experience! Also interesting is the addition of the new female character who is bending a room full of British officers to her whim! This is all very intriguing, and the best part, I don't know where you're going with any of it! (That's a good thing in this sense, because you are making sense, but you're not being transparent as fanfic writers often are!)

Thanks for updating so soon! Can't wait for more! This has really got me thinking about who relates to who and how! Looking forward to following the web!

Grace
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From LaurenGraceJurious on August 30, 2007
First, I'm very glad, and very honored to have my name appear at the bottom of your piece! I'm also glad that I could give you some encouragement--not that you really need it, you're a very strong writer!

The character of Jodi is herself so real and so interesting that I hardly noticed that the Hessian was absent in this chapter. We knew she was still thinking about him, and in the context of what was happening, it was very appropriate to have just the thought of him and not actualy him. As I've said before, you've done such a wonderful job creating and fleshing out Jodi that she can carry the scene all by herself!

In addition, I'm constantly amazed by the clarity with which you present how new and strange things are to Jodi! When reading that last chapter, it was like I was there, seeing these things, wondering these things, feeling a bit relieved, but not at all "at home." A lot of writers take for granted easy gifts, such as, we today are not in anyway conditioned to life back in the 18th century, and so you'd think that writing the strangeness of it all to a contemporary character would come naturally. Let me assure you it doesn't! But, you definitely have not taken such a "gift" for granted! You're progressing along perfectly from Jodi's point of view, and even more enjoyably, you're encompassing 18th century reactions and attitudes towards her as well! As a writer, you have a scope that I envy!

I was so excited to see that you'd updated, and as usual, you didn't disappoint my anticipation! Always a wonderful read, and I'm always looking forward to more! Beautifully done, once again! Thank you!

Grace
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From LaurenGraceJurious on August 26, 2007
You are being much too hard on yourself! Let us review: 1.We know that Jodi is kinda thinking differently about The Hessian. 2.We know that The Hessian is even more annoyed with her. 3.We know that The Hessian doesn't think much of his superiors, or even of having superiors. 4.We know which of his superiors he dislikes the most. 5.We know that despite that The Hessian can force himself to play the game of "m'lords" and that he still has an interest in at least the sexual aspect of a woman's company, that Daredevil is the one whose opinion he values most. 6.You left us with a feeling of "what's Westmorland got planned for Jodi?" and that came through to us via The Hessian's thoughts.

That is a very very dense! Not a thing wrong with loading a chapter with information and foreshadowing like that, particularly when you can present it without having to rely on writing it as some exposition, but instead as a narrative that we can visualize and feel!

I completely understand what it's like to get to a point where you know what's going to happen next, but you just don't realize how you're going to get there. That's always when you feel like you've droned on saying nothing, or that you haven't showed enough, but instead did a lot of telling and directing the reader of what to watch out for next. It's scary to write without a plan, but you know what, sometimes you have to, and sometimes, that's your best stuff!

You did fine here, maybe not quite what you envisioned, but I never felt lost, or bored or anything other than delighted to see that Jodi smiled at The Hessian, and that he's developing a distrust of Westmorland when it comes to her. It's subtle, and it works!

So, stop apologizing. It is what it is, and it ain't at all bad!:-) It's got me so curious to know what happens next, and really, isn't that the goal when writing piecemeal chapters? Great job, and an interesting chapter! Thanks for updating!

Grace
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From CaptDavyJonesLover on August 13, 2007
haha now he's stuck with her...keep it up
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From LaurenGraceJurious on August 13, 2007
This is great! You've spared no expense with the details, you've included everything that I could have thought of, right down to the Hessian's reaction to her straight teeth! (I enjoyed that particularly, considering how his own teeth are!lol) I also love how he's riding back to base with her thinking that she wasn't only strange, but also annoying! And the end, it couldn't have been a better cliffhanger! Hmm...so as it turns out, the strange, annoying, stranger is on their side? Huh?lol That's going to really throw the Hessian for a loop! Can't wait to read what's next!

You're finding him pretty well, although I know this is just the beginning. But, you get him, that's evident! Not everyone who writes him does.

I wish there was a way to put some sort of billboard or blinking light on your story! More people need to be made aware of this, it's far too good to not be read! Much encouragement to you to continue! There are so very few fics out there that one can truly get lost in!

Grace
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From LaurenGraceJurious on August 09, 2007
I was so thrilled to see that you'd updated! Was afraid you'd lost interest, or run out of time, but happily that is not the case, and you didn't disappoint with this latest chapter! I have to admit, I really laughed when Jodi thought perhaps she'd been tackled by Amish people!lol And it was such a thrill to read about the Hessian! You've captured him as a soldier and as a warrior, that's for certain!

Now, as to how to capture the rest of him...(sounds like fun!)...thank you for your many compliments on how I did that, but it's actually simpler than you think. Get to know him in the context that you are writing him. What I mean is, he's got a real bloodlust thing going on, and yet (I surmise) he's going to hold some type of want, need, affection, desire for Jodi. What kind of man can do that? It was obvious to me in the movie that he wasn't completely hard, he LOVED Daredevil, so I just expanded on that. Other things to consider when trying to "find" him: how old is he? What's his upbringing? Is he, or has he ever been married, in love? Children? Does he drink? Smoke? Whore? How'd he get to be a mercenary? Keep asking those questions, and when you get them answered, ask "why?" You can do it, it's fun, and with a character like the Hessian, it can't help but be interesting! I think you'll find as you go along that (like most of us) he's got personas--one at work, and one when he's with friends, lovers, whatever.

I'm looking very forward to seeing what you come up with! If you want to bounce ideas off of anyone, my email address is still that which is listed when you click on my name. I could talk about the Hessian forever, so you wouldn't be bothering me at all! But, you write very well, your images are very vivid and prominent, you can find him, and it won't take as long as you think!

As far as his name goes, look for a list of Tutonic names, I bet you find one you like!

Great chapter! Hope there's more soon!

Grace
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From Atomica_Syndrome on August 04, 2007
Uh...oh Wow. 0_o
Well, I haven't expected this amount of feedback, and I thank you. However, I'm sorry to say that the writing of the next chapters will take longer than expected. The next chapter will certainly take a while for it to go on display, since I'm now writing two drafts or versions. The Hessian is certainly such an awe-inspiring character it's difficult to capture his personality (Grace Lee, how do you do it?!), so that's why I'm being cautious with the writing. Still, the chapters are coming along nicely, if only my schedule hasn't became busier and busier, and if only there would be less competition back home on who gets to go on our only computer. *laughs*
So yeah, I will most definitely try to finish them up as quickly as I can, and will do my best to try to satisfy you guys. In the meantime, have patience, lovely people, and thank you so much for your comments. ^^

P.S. And yes, I am MOST DEFINITELY looking for a name that suits the Hessian, be it ironic or something that sounds masculine and kick-@$$. Ideas are very welcome if you'd like. ^^
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From Selece on July 27, 2007
Wow, this is looking pretty interesting. I hope you update soon. I was really interested in seeing more stories with the Horseman involved. I'm curios as to how you'll have this all come about. Till next, chapter then. I await with anticipation.
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From MrsJones on July 27, 2007
oh keep this up please!! it's really good!! i can't wait to read about her and the hessian! will you give him a name like heinrich or albrecht? i've always liked those names. they fit him quite nicely i think. keep it up please! update soon!!!
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From LaurenGraceJurious on July 17, 2007
So when does she meet HIM? This is really going along nicely! I like Jodi and can't wait to see what your version of The Hessian is like! Hurry and write some more soon!
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From LaurenGraceJurious on July 13, 2007
Wow, glad to see another story about the Hessian where his main romantic interest isn't Ichabod! I can't wait for him to make his enterance! Jodi is fleshed out very well, and the plot is wonderful! I'm looking forward to "watching" Jodi and the Hessian interact! Keep going!
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From CaptDavyJonesLover on July 12, 2007
ooh i like this approach...is she gonna fall in love with the horseman? hey that witch wasnt katrina was it?
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