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Reviews for Stitches

By : sleepisfun
  • From MonsterGirl on December 03, 2011
    I didn't even realize you had updated this story! But I'm so happy you did! This may sound terrible, but I hope you will be finishing it soon. I just feel bad now for everyone--David, Marko, and Cammie. Although a little less for Cammie. She really is to blame. And I don't like how she treated David because Marko disappeared. I just wish one of them would just tell David the truth already! I hope you update soon.
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  • From AquaAnimus on January 24, 2009
    I like this story! I hope you update one day.
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  • From AquaAnimus on November 24, 2007
    Love the David action :)
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  • From ANON - Leia on November 11, 2006
    i LOVED your story! It was excellant. I thought of an idea (you may or may not like it, buts it's just an idea), myabe in the next chapter, David could find out about Marco and Cammie's love affiar, and they could have a three-some LOL . just an idea.
    Keep up the good work
    Leia
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  • From ANON - Raven on October 24, 2006
    Awe, this is so f-ing romantic.
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  • From ANON - smashthemirror on October 01, 2006
    finally got to read more of this - would have commented sooner but i've been working more lately. Anyway. I /really/ like how you're developing this. You manage to have repeated moments between marko and cammie without being repetitive or syrupy. Brava for that. I'm also completely envious of the way you get your characters to talk during intimate scenes and am hereby requesting lessons on that ;) I like that you've humanized david a little bit more...truth be told he can be a difficult character to write, but you give him a nice fine line between extremes. Also like your paul and dwayne...very good interpretations there. Cammie is coming along nicely...in all honesty I'm not one for ofcs (hi, this is pot calling the kettle, lol) but I really like reading about her. You give her real emotions and reasons for doing things, her backstory is nicely developed, and it all fits neatly into place.

    my only advice would be that (only if you want...everyone has a different way of doing this and I'm not going to thrust my own methods on you if you're not comfortable with them) you can give yourself the freedom to not have to divide up your flashbacks with a label...as long as you state in your intro to that chapter that it goes back and forth, and divide it up in contained tidbits within the text, there's no real reason to have to say 'this is so and so's pov..or this is however much earlier.' You could even do the time frame within the text as an introductory paragraph "It was six months earlier that cammie rolled into town.." or "david and the boys were out on the boardwalk that night, looking for a throat to slice open" or what have you. I only suggest it because I've found as I've written more and more, that I'm more comfortable doing it that way, it gives a smoother transition, and it's alright to step out on a limb and trust that your readers can keep up with you (granted, sometimes I probably throw everyone for a loop, but oh well ;)
    Other than that, just check your punctuation (and then go laugh at me for all of my weird mistakes in everything I post, lol).

    But seriously, I can't tell you enough how much I look forward to reading each new part (I was so thrilled that there were three glorious chapters to catch up on!) And it's only slightly disturbing to me that I'm enjoying a marko story. I'm thinking about getting myself examined as soon as possible, heh. Though I must say it's awesome that you've made marko a focus without making him weak or compromised. I can believe from reading this that he's just as strong as any of the other boys, which I think is something that most don't really make a focus in their stories featuring marko. I also like that you have a strong emotional connection between him an cammie..it makes him that much more of a threat. But you write the interludes /so well/ and even the non-sexual exchanges are very, very amusing. I love the voices you give the boys, as well as their banter. And of course I love that you've given your ofc an appetite and a mind of her own. And you also get kudos for the oasis mention ;) I'd definitely like to see a david/cammie interlude...BUT only if it's something you're comfortable with writing. In the end it's your story, so you get to set the rules.

    All in all, it's coming along very nicely and I can't wait for the next part!
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  • From ANON - Suryallee on September 25, 2006
    Like it so far^^ write more^_^
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  • From ANON - smashthemirror on September 21, 2006
    I really, really enjoyed this story. the actual smut was very hot and very sweet at the same time - and I'm not a huge marko smut fan, so believe me this is a major compliment ;) The biggest thing I noticed was that it would be a more enjoyable read if you did a spell/grammar check before posting. Granted I always catch mistakes on my stuff after I post even when I edit, but I think it helps draw readers in the more user-friendly the piece is to read. My other piece of advice would be to take your time and show more than tell...instead of using a lot of typical adjectives take the time to find new ways to describe the cave, the boys, the sights and sounds and smells...it can get to be a pain but it paints a lusher verbal picture in the long run. For me, personally, I've gotten away from writing in first person simply because I think in some ways it limits a writer. It makes it easier to get into a character's head, yes, but it also limits the point of view and the general scope of what can be expressed. Just a thought.

    I also like how you ended this - you left me intrigued and wondering where you'll go next. I'm hoping if you do continue this in a series of shorts that you'll find something new and interesting to do with the situation; I'd love to see David's emotion pov - why is he so jealous? has he had this happen to him before with someone else? that kind of thing. the song lyrics worked well (and I'm not a song fic person, either, so kudos for that!) Also, is Camilla a vampire or a human? You may have covered that, but I could'nt really tell. I'd also like to know a little bit as to how she actually ended up with the boys, how she fits in in the scheme of things. You could do a lot with incorporating past moments or histories as to how the characters are acting in the time of your story/stories.

    at any rate, this was excellent for a first piece! Keep up the good work!
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