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Reviews for The Ripple of a Stone

By : vanillalace

From prairiefire on January 19, 2007
It's about time I reviewed. I'm kind of a couple chapters behind aren't I.

Anyway, I love how the story is progressing. The relationships are progressing, but not like some wild fire PWP. They are build up from a base and grow logically. Like how someone who started out hating Nala doesn't just turn around and suddenly start liking her.

The overall quality of your story is above average good/great. I'm sure that with the edits it will be bumped up into the excellent category.
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From Carajbu on January 19, 2007
Dammit I got so excited when I saw that this had been updated....
But I think I can wait for the time being.

Your story is damn good but [and I think most fans of your story will agree] that the spelling errors and stuff were hindering your story. Putting aside those errors there's only one thing that irked me, nothing major but:
I got a sense that Nala was being coddled somewhat in your story...and I say coddled because I can't think of a more appropriate word. I don't mean that her life is perfect because it certainly isn't, considering her past and all of her current dramas, but she just seems so invincible. I liked that but then the other characters all seemed to accept her with relative ease, she only rarely encounters someone who doesn't like her. And when she does she kicks their asses. Not that I mind that, of course not, but it seemed unreal to me. Even though she has physical qualities we would never possess in real life.. because she was an altered soldier (?) she just seems a little too perfect.
It's just my opinion that she should have more flaws that are realistic and would really bring her to life. She's a great, strong, humorous character by far, I really really like her. Just thought this might help you out hopefully. That's all the suggestions I have. I'm still lovin' your story :)
And good luck with your editing... I know how frustrating it is.
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From Malestorm on January 18, 2007
I don't really have an opinion about your story just yet because I find it hard to read sometimes. The length of every chapter is impressive but the many grammar and spelling issues make it hard to concentrate on the story.

There is nothing wrong with editing something once you post; I have done it several times, no one is perfect. I know your chapters are long but since this work is being scruntinized by the public I think it would be a good idea to get a beta or have someone read it just to clean up the grammar and spelling.

I know that this story is loved and that is why I think you should rewrite it or edit the chapters. It has the potential for greatness without the mistakes. This is just my opinion Bluflame
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From Parts on January 18, 2007
While I find this story good it could be better.

Please have mercy on your readers and proof read your work. The spelling and grammar mistakes are many,sometimes overwhelming making the flow choppy. Granted we all have problems with this but you could have someone help you with it before you post.

I do not know if anyone has said this to you before but I do not want anyone to be put off by these mistakes, you have a good story. Please take these words to heart they are not meant to harm you only to help you.
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From ANON - Adara of Giovanni on January 18, 2007
Hi Nalani! This is my first time reviewing your work, so, err, HI! LOL

I must say that the story does look interesting, (I haven't finished it just yet by the way...) and I hope to reach the end of it soon. :) You do write in-depth chapters, which I appreciate since I myself like to read lengthy chapters with detail. :P It helps me dive into the story and "see" the action.

But, like most of my reviews, I tend to look at what could use some work. I have a couple of qualms with your story. (Sorry, I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say so :) )

My first problem was your very first chapter. Your first chapter is your staple, your calling card. It is what will draw a reader in, or turn them off your story. Unfortunately, your first chapter is RIDDLED with grammatical problems. I can deal with the spelling, I don't know any author who doesn't sometimes struggle with this. After all, the chapters are long. :)

It is the fact that there are ENTIRE words missing from SEVERAL sentences. It also became even more difficult to make my way through the story because of the massive ten-twenty sentences you had per paragraph. Not only is it an English language no-no, but it's darn near difficult to become comfortable with your story's flow.

I don't know about those who've reviewed before me, no doubt they'd disagree with what I have to say, but I found it difficult to become enthusiastic about your characters because of these major issues. It has nothing to do with your plot or your characters. I do believe everyone when they say that your story is captivating. :-) I just don't think it's as good as it can be.

I hope you don't take this to harshly, as I do mean it with the outmost respect. It is difficult to write a story. Harder still to write a good one. I hope my review helps you make this better.

Adara Giovanni
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From DeathGodDist on January 17, 2007
Heh, that's the problem with spell checkers, they may give you a correctly spelled word, but not necessarily the right word. :)

But of course, I'm not that stringent about it, I cut Nalani a lot of slack because she tends to write very long chapters with lots of words (something I like), and that would be quite the headache to proofread.

As for the chapter, once again, you know how to leave us on a cliffhanger, it's definately a specialty of yours. Enjoying the 'love triangle' thing going on and I hope to see how that develops in the future. As usual, I'll be looking forward to what happens next.
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From Carajbu on January 16, 2007
OH NO YOU DIDN'T! =0
This is the great great grandfather of all cliffhangers. Grrr. I can't believe you did that. Writers are so evil. They think they have all the power =p
I can edit this chapter's spelling mistakes if you need someone to do it. Your spelling is atrocious missy but I'll let it slide just because you're such a talented writer. :)
Great progression with Dhm'ni and Nala's relationship. Soooo Die Oates wants Nala as a mate? And Dom was clearly jealous? This is good. I'm such a loser for being so wrapped up with your characters lol. But hey, they're so frickin real. The part where Nala was getting ready to teach Thr'ik patty-cake was hilarious. I actually pictured a yautja [especially a big male] doing it. XD
You've sufficiently let me hanging. I can't wait to see how the fight goes between Nala and the Elder!
[I thought an Elder, being wise and experienced, would be less prone to prejudice...so it surprised me when Ras or whoever objected]
I hope this story never ends, honestly!

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From littlemissy1503 on January 16, 2007
I've waited so long for a udpated that I thought i would go crazy. love this story more soon please.
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From aquamum on January 16, 2007
Nalani,

A MOST EXCELLENT CHAPTER - I was as nervous as hell waiting for the final outcome - what a cliffhanger !!!!!!!!!!!!

Not flaming here - but there are alot of spelling and grammar errors in this chapter that made it quite hard to read.
eg hairs should be heirs, every instead of everyone etc. I had to re read many sentences to make sense of them.

I am absolutley addicted to this story - I love all the twists and turns that happen to your wonderful characters and I am chomping at the bit to read what happens next - fantastic.
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From ANON - Jen on January 11, 2007
this is a really really good story im not kidding. i wasnt really into predator stories until i started reading this one! i cant wait for the next chapter!
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From lovingall on January 02, 2007
I like this story and I have been reading as you post. I say that to say post again
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From ANON - aquamum on January 01, 2007
Another excellent chapter - cool.
I love you story sp muuch - I love the witty repartee between your characters,
I love you vivid discription of her monthly courses - so much fun to see a male upset about her pain.
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From ANON - Cara on December 31, 2006
MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS AND SUCH. And Happy New Years Eve!!
I hope it's a good one. :)
Was so excited to see you had updated both of your stories. You're really on top of your game, huh? :p
Awesome chapter. I just love the scenes between Dom and Nalani. This is the best story in the Predator section by far [Human Hunter 1 and 2 were my favourite but they're done now].
I've already given my criticism on the grammar so for this review there's nothing I can suggest or think of that you could change. I really really love this story. I hope the Elders will accept Nala, but then again I never know what you have up your sleeve! Whatever happens I'm still going to devour this story like cake lol.
Best wishes for 2007,
Cara
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From Mitresslove on December 30, 2006
I enjoy this story. Even though I was away for a while I could get right back into it with ease. So all that is left is for you to bring ont he next chapter Pronto ( or when you can)
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From ANON - Death God Dist on December 30, 2006
Wow, what a treat, both of your stories updated one day after another. A nice way to bring in the New Year indeed. :)

Wow, some really great scenes in this one, and the writing continues to be top notch. The continuing complicated relationship between Dhm'Ni and Nala just keeps going. Dyne getting beat down was awesome, and Th'rik getting his ass handed to him (literaly) was also priceless.

Your descriptive writing really came through at the end though, with Nala's "uber-period" :D, you got a real sense of the pain she was going through. Can't wait for next chapter as usual, and seeing how the Elders and Patriarch greet Nala.
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