Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for Admissions

By : LadyRhiann
  • From ANON - Hera on September 17, 2005
    it's a wonderful fic and I love it why won't you update it?
    Report Review

  • From ANON - doloris on September 08, 2005
    I read the reviews and all I have to say is to keep your characters name and your title name. There is nothing wrong to
    name your main character after you and this is YOUR story. There are some misspelled words,but I don't pay attention because
    I correct it in my mind. I always go into the reader's mind, so you did a very good job.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - doloris on September 08, 2005
    I really love the story, I checked this site over and over and over again to see if you had new
    chapter. Keep writting and don't stop. If you want a review on your story, then I'll give it to you,
    if it's only me.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Antilia on September 06, 2005
    I have to agree. Naming the main character after yourself is a blatant indicator of "wish fulfillment". It's called a Self-Insert, and, while nice for you, does not make for interesting reading for anyone else. I mean, who wants to read about some random earth girl's perfect avatar getting plowed by Anakin?

    Your excuse is quite transparent, too. Your "friend" has your site password, huh?
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Tallyho! on August 08, 2005
    Uh huh, your "friend" did it while you were asleep. And it was just too hard for you to use the Find and Replace feature to fix the name. Riiiiiight. Pull the other one. Just admit this is your mastubatory fantasy and your writing a MarySue and stop making pathetic excuses.
    Report Review

  • From LadyRhiann on August 01, 2005
    The idea of having Padme there is good....I'll try to work from that. As to using Rhiann for the character's name.... I had my friend review the story before I posted it, only I didn't have a name for her yet. So she thought she'd be nice and name her for me while I was asleep and post it. I didn't catch it until a few day afterwards so I just left it instead of going through and changing it.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Tallyho! on August 01, 2005
    If you are going to do a MarySue, at least give her a different name than yourself. Otherwise you might as well call this piece of crap "Wishful Thinking" or "My Fucked Up Fantasy".
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Blackroach on August 01, 2005
    hmmmm...
    raunchy sex scene, they go back, padme is there, anakin goes back to being madly inlove with her, anger ensues...
    do what you want with it i guess?
    update soon!
    Report Review

  • From ANON - KuroiRuy on August 01, 2005
    Ayee...leave Anakin for Padme, place urself with someone else! -_-' The story was good, u pretty decent at writing just pair urself with someone else! Kay?!
    Report Review

  • From LadyRhiann on July 31, 2005
    I am having the biggest f**cking writer's block ever!! Any one got any ideas? Just thanking powers that be that I got more of Chocolate Dreams doen before this hit.
    Report Review

  • From LadyRhiann on July 22, 2005
    Sorry everyone! New chapters will be up by Sunday.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Gaia on June 25, 2005
    OMG that was WONDERFUL please do more!!!!
    Report Review

  • From PJBender on June 24, 2005
    Ok, I hope you didn't take my previous comment too personally (I have done the exact same thing), but sometimes it can be off putting.

    To the story then:
    I see room for improvement in some areas. Character development, for instance. I know this is only chapter one, but I haven't really gotten a feel for Rhiann yet. As it is, she's a cardboard character. We don't know anything about her, except that she's a Jedi with a tail who is not a virgin. Subtle character development is hard, but I can give you some more concrete examples if you'd like. Also, the idea of the raunchy sex club is good, but the execution could be better. Havng been to quite a few raunchy sex clubs myself, I can assure you that it's quite impossible for them to require their patrons to have a cock up their cunt/ass on a continuous basis. If anything, they want you to purchase more overpriced drinks and they accomplish this by making it comfortable for you to hang around as long as you like. Some of the one's I've frequented have employees with those old skool vending trays going around handing out things like strawberries (always handy), mints (VERY handy) and condoms (essentials). You could flesh out the club by changing the rules slightly and adding little details like that. Anakin and Rhiann would still have to "keep up appearances", but it would feel more realistic. Also, I'd like more description of the locations. The club is once again a good example. Are there booths with heavy curtains you can draw? Are there handcuffs tied to the bar that you may use? Are there cages you can stick your lover(s) in? (I've seen all of the aforementioned in clubs).

    All in all, it's decent, but it could be so much better. I also really hope you develop Rhiann more indepth. Make her someone we can like, unlike the scores of boring, "perfect" OCs out there.


    Report Review

  • From PJBender on June 24, 2005
    I haven't read your story, but I wanted to let you know you've misspelled "two" in your summary. It is not very inviting for readers to find a typo in the summary. Fix that and they won't be turned off to look further. :)
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!