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Reviews for SurpriseBy : AdmiralQuinn |
- From ANON - Brain_Shibito on April 24, 2005
There's a story in there, somewhere, hidden within the porn. The characters seem OOC (but if they stayed in character, where the fun in that be?), it sorta seemed to me that you tried to write a plot, but got caught in the embrace of a PWP. I don't know if you were trying for a PWP, but the character's seem to be all over the place in this story. I'm all for Carl and Van, but try working on the description of the enviroments and situations along with the character's themselves.
It's good, don't get me wrong. It's got just the right amount of seeding for a intresting story, but there were a few moments where it didn't make any sense.
I would LOVE to see another part of this and I eagerly await your next installment! :)
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