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Reviews for Came and Went

By : StarShooter
  • From ANON - kiki on July 12, 2006
    a fire in a ship?! 0_o
    anyway that was so sweet of him! *i wonder where he found space for it* :D
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  • From ANON - zeynel on July 02, 2004
    great fic!!! i'm waiting for the next part!!!
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  • From seraphina on June 17, 2004
    so glad you continued. Why not post it on fanfiction.net or nFiction.com? both of them allow posting of g rated fics?
    Anyway, another lovely chapter. I do like it when authors of the Jack/Will fandom find a way to have Will and Elizabeth part of friendly terms!
    Your grammar is almost perfect...you're seriously doing an awsome job for a non-native speaker.

    just in this sentence though;

    /“So I had no choice but to kiss you before I lose the chance to do that,”/

    should be "...before I LOST the chance..."
    and here;

    /Will circled her slowly and faced her. Faced the sea as well in the process./

    ...and faced her. HE faced the sea...

    I love your poetic use of language, for example, this sentence;

    /A small smile crept onto his face and Will allowed it to blossom. /

    you cr som some lovely imagery.

    out of curiosity, what is your first language?

    Looking forward to part 3

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  • From seraphina on June 11, 2004
    hey that wasn't bad! not bad at all!! I've read plenty of other fics by native speakers who's grammar was no wherar aar as good as yours. the one major fault i did pick up on was in the last line

    /He never did saw the longing and equally pleading look that Jack sent him before swimming back to his pearl./

    It should be 'He never did SEE the longing...'

    Apart from that, it flowed really nicely, the language was fine and you did a great job of describing Jack and his deliberate movements.

    I really do love Jack/Will...and this line made me laugh;

    /Because if Will loved Jack as well, he would never hit his lover with an oar./

    looking forward to experiment 2!!!

    -seraphina







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  • From seraphina on June 11, 2004
    hey that wasn't bad! not bad at all!! I've read plenty of other fics by native speakers who's grammar was no where near as good as yours. the one major fault i did pick up on was in the last line

    /He never did saw the longing and equally pleading look that Jack sent him before swimming back to his pearl./

    It should be 'He never did SEE the longing...'

    Apart from that, it flowed really nicely, the language was fine and you did a great job of describing Jack and his deliberate movements.

    I really do love Jack/Will...and this line made me laugh;

    /Because if Will loved Jack as well, he would never hit his lover with an oar./

    looking forward to experiment 2!!!

    -seraphina







    Report Review

  • From seraphina on June 11, 2004
    hey that wasn't bad! not bad at all!! I've read plenty of other fics by native speakers who's grammar was no where near as good as yo th the one major fault i did pick up on was in the last line

    /He never did saw the longing and equally pleading look that Jack sent him before swimming back to his pearl./

    It should be 'He never did SEE the longing...'

    Apart from that, it flowed really nicely, the language was fine and you did a great job of describing Jack and his deliberate movements.

    I really do love Jack/Will...and this line made me laugh;

    /Because if Will loved Jack as well, he would never hit his lover with an oar./

    looking forward to experiment 2!!!

    -seraphina







    Report Review

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