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Reviews for The Siren

By : hellborne

From ANON - No one on August 17, 2006
I don't like where this is going. There is nothing in the world that would justify Elizabeth Marrying Jack, even if she could have Will too.
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From ANON - Jessy on February 12, 2005
Your sex scene between Jack and Elizabeth in this story was really good. The one with Will and Angeline seemed a little out there. Angeline just strikes me as Mary Sue-ish; that kinda kept me from enjoying this one as much as some of your other stories that I've read.
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From ANON - bwalsh on July 18, 2004
Please... put down the ferret(s) and post that 9/10 chapter! Thank you for the previous chapters. I have enjoyed them very much. I'll check out your other stories while I'm waiting, but please update soon! Thanks again,
bw
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From ANON - littlebird on June 10, 2004
>James took the sheet away, a very puzzled look on his face
James is not the only one who is puzzled here.
Did Angeline expect her brother to run away that night? And is that why he thought black was very convenient (in the chapter before, at the wedding)? Or did Angeline suspect Lizzy not to be a virgin?
What I am especially curious about is: Who was Lizzy's first?
Will her first child really be Jack's, and if not, would he really not care?
I still think Elizabeth was not his only choice. His double identitiy is not exactly a secret after Norrington and a shipload of soldiers and navy sailors got to know it. It should have been possible to find some aristocrat woman who is *really* a virgin and has enough sense not to go around telling "My husband is a pirate, please do convict him, ruin my name and take land and title away from our children". He then would have plenty of time to produce children with her and not have an impatient wife and her jealous true love around - in case she doesn't have a healthy child during their first year. So he must truely want Elizabeth.
Angeline's death and burial was fitting, but so sad!
The rose would have made a nice present to Lizzy (along with Jack - naked, a leash at his collar, to be handed over to his new owner and captain).
The transformation of the R's c's crew from amazones who keep their men naked as slaves (and Jack was one of those only days before) to Jack's obedient crew was a little too quick and smooth for my taste. But then, they had known him long before.
I am very curious for the promised explanations in the next chapters. Please continue soon!
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From ANON - bittersweet on June 09, 2004
wow! how many emotions can you put in a chapter?! i hope you don't feel all those as you write them - but i'm thinking you prolly do, seeing as they're your creations and all - because it was crazy enough just reading. i think it's too bad you've killed off Angeline...though 'killed off' is too harsh a term; you treated her so gently and with such respect. i was laughing when Will and Jack were going back and forth: "you can't get [her] pregnant THAT way," and i was sad when Angeline was sent off in true pirate fashion. *sigh* so good.
as for my stuff...i've actuallyttentten some...there's about 35 pages of fiction (based on life, really) and my own comments/ideas on it...i was thinking of putting pieces of it on my livejournal, but i'm not sure...erm, i'll think about it...meanwhile, you keep up with this one, and maybe i'll be inspired - how's that for coercion (j/k!)?
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From ANON - bittersweet on June 07, 2004
thanks mucr thr the advice. i was thinking, and maybe i'm just not a writer right now...but that's another story and this is about your fic. i was slightly suprised by Elizabeth's tranformation, but i fail to realize why - she's always had that forceful, nontraditional personality, right? maybe because you did her initial indignation so well. i love how this seems to be more about who the characters are rather than what (or who, i guess?) they're doing; the reasons behind the actions. Will's expected outburst was somewhat funny, just becuase it was Will, and it was bound to happen. I'm suprised he went off without much of a fight though. I hope you explain where he's been at, and how he found them so fast. speaking of fast, the pace you write at is crazy! especially with all of your situational issues...wow.
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From ANON - Jackfan2 on June 07, 2004
Excellent chapter! Elizabeth NOT a VIRGIN!? EEP! Well, not that I'm surprised by that.

More, love, must update more!

Don't forget, Pleasant Holiday.......
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From ANON - pendragginink on June 06, 2004
decorated in black and white, per the groom�s orders.
*****quite elegant. and all the current rage. interesting though tworlworld wide, the funeral colors are either white or black. is white and black their heraldic colors?

�We are gathered together...� Jack�s mind was drifting.
*****so much for romance.

Elizabeth was close to tears. She wanted so much to save her chastity for Will,
*****but, but....why is she close to tears when she is NOT chaste?

* - * - *

�Elizabeth, I would never have chosen you had I not wished you to be the mother of my heir,
******this is just the sweetest thing..

�Yes, but not love.�
*******What has LOVE got to do with it....this is marriage we are talking about.

�No, not love.
*****it is brilliance to have Jack agree with liz. for some reason, it makes it all better. Not love? Oh, well, no worries then.

r. As I said so long ago, shortly after we met in fact, we�re peas in a pod, love.�
******what ever it takes

�Yes you can, love. And you�re allowed to enjoy yourself as well.�
*******again with the sweet statements. not romantic at all. clinical in fact. and thereby, making them the very height of romance

�Pirate. And your husband.�
******excellent logic

�This is so hard, Jack.�
******oh liz. Hard is good for some things.

You�re my best friend�s bonny lass.
******this would be a very difficult thing to deal with

Jack was shocked by the transformation his new wife had just gone through.
******what's shocking is that the jaded pirate is shocked

�Elizabeth, is there something you haven�t told William?�
*****this has just got to be the greatest line in all of POTC fic fandome

She took her mouth off his organ for only a moment, her eyes twinkling. �Yes, Jack.� She took his manhood again, sucking

�I won�t tell Will.�
******an accorde if Ive ever heard one

We must satisfy tradition y�know.�
*******gastly that many of the state marriage consummations were just like this, only the witnesses were on the otherside of just a curtain

Ill tell ya, it would be very very difficult to leave jack and go back to stupid will. Hou aou are going to work all this out, im not sure, but as for the heir and a spare part---are we talking twins here? one thing. If lliz is not a virgin---then why have she and will not 'done the deed'? and who did have here first? Norry? that would be really funny. who else does she know?
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From ANON - Pendragginink on June 05, 2004
Here I am crying again. Norrington is such a good sport. Wnad what a snob. Jack the pirate---bad. Jack the Peer-----good. There is one little maybe glitch that I hadn't noticed until now. The bait Jack is using to snare Liz, is that she will benefit from marrying him by being titles, rich and widowed so she can then marry will. Ergo, it is assumed that she cannot marry will at the present---because of the money problem. However, Jack states to Norry, that Will iis amassing wealth and is wuite rich in his won right. SO---how can the offer of wealth and position be bait, if Will has money, which would support them AND allow Will to buy a title if they want? now, Liz says that she does not know where will is, true, but does she know that Will is rich? Jack may not have told her, but wouldnt Norry tell her---to keep her from marrying Jack? But, would Norry on the other hand not tell her, because Norry admits that there is no other suitable womb available and he dose have a jones for Angeline, and wants to keep her happy, even if it means tossing Liz to the pirates, as it were.
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From ANON - Jackfan2 on June 04, 2004
LOL!!!! I'm really not awake yet this morning.. lemme recant those 'words of wisdome'.......

ACTUAL WORDS OF WISDOM *only after 3rd cup of coffee is away*: Men hate the words 'Don't' and 'Stop' UNLESS they are part of the same sentence!

*snort*...hahahahaha.. I've really gotta learn to wait until AFTER the 3rd cup of coffee before I review, or try to spell, or try to eloquate any form of correct thought..... HAHAHAHAHA..

Thank GOD it's FRIDAY!

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From ANON - Jackfan2 on June 04, 2004
Pendragginink: Ah, my great betagoddess speaks! Making Jackfan2 go �NOOOOOoooooooooo!� is what I LIVE for! (or you for that matter, when you read about the wee-wee chopping...).

LOL.. well.. I'm glad you two take such pleasure at my fanatical-ness and particularly how involved I get in a story...LOL.. not sure it's healthy, but do I care? Nnaaaaaah... If I cared to much, wherethe the fun be in that?

Ok. This chapter was great. I wasn't sure at first where you were going and not being a real fan of Jack and Elizabeth pairing up, was just a tad worried. BUT seeing where you've gone with this chapter, I'm really put at ease. Love the entire premise of Jack just needing an heir.. innerestin'. So, Liz gets to have sex with Jack and no committment.. WOOHOO! Lucky gal. Only, once you Jac Jack, can you really go back? LOL.. I doubt it. Will would pale in arisarison, I'm afraid.

Oh, speaking of Will... wha's he gonna think of all this? EEP!

More soon, loves. MORE MORE MORE MORE!

WORDS OF WISDOME: Men like the words *Don't* and *Stop* ... but never when they are in the same sentance. ;-)
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From ANON - littlebird on June 04, 2004
>You know that Jack-Torture is one of my favorite pastimes...
Good girl! *g*
>You�re one of my favorite reviewers
*blush*
You must be an exception. Because many writers say clearly they don't want any flames, and from my experience many people count any kind of criticism as flames. Even if they say they were not at first.
>But my muses got depressed,
>and the story went south.
>I�m still hoping to save Jack from them
>because they keep wanting to kill him off
Once again I suggest that you hand those benighted muses over to Bootstrap Bill's ghost (who appears to be somewhat neglected as of late, if I may point this out).
They are not good for you if they can get you depressed, and they are certainly not good for Jack. You need your good old inspiration demon who might get the (brilliant) idea of Jack as a breeding slave more to the point while keeping him alive.
>and I tend to release a chapter at a time when I get �enough reviews�
Why do you torment us so?
>I'm looking for what you find WRONG with this story
Nothing, as far as I noticed.
I'm curious: what disease is it Angeline has, or does she fake it? But you surely will tell us in later chapters. (The other thing I wondered was: Is Jack wearing his slave-collar during the ball, hidden by a cravat, or was he allowed to take it off? *g*)
I would have dragged Elisabeth to some quiet corner instead of making that proposal in the middle of the room or so, but that's only me.
At a time before antibiotics and vaccion, on, having only one single child was a risky thing I think. Maybe Jack does not care, but other people might bring up the topic.
Now, please, post more!
You did not write the stuff to let it rot in a drawer, for depressed muses to dwell in, did you?
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From ANON - AMANDA on June 03, 2004
that is one of the GREATEST fanfics i have EVER read! you just have to write to the VERY end!
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From ANON - bittersweet on June 03, 2004
yes, well... let's start with the fact that i am a moron. *massive, cooked-lobster-colored blush* and i realized it just after i submitted the review. i think i was confusing this one with another of yours, or another author's altogether. who knows? my (really dumb) mistake.
so, you want what's wrong with your story? erm, well, i seriously do look, because i'm constantly wondering how, if i ever get up the courage, a really good one of these should be. i compare fics with other fics and authors with others, and i really must say that you are one of the best out there - either that, or you have one hell of a beta (not to belittle your prowess or anything, really). i enjoy everything about almost all of your stories, and they're hardly ever coing,ing, or unbelievable, like some manage to be in abundance. i would have thought that i could find *something*, seeing as i have been in a roaring temper for a couple of hours, but i really can't, and i'm terribly sorry - you shouldn't be, though.
keep doing what you're doing, it's great. even got me mostly out of a lethally bad mood. if you can do that, for anyoned yod you're in the sixth chapter of a fic, quit looking for what's wrong and keep up with what's obviously right. if it's glaring, people will let you know.
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From ANON - Prolix on June 03, 2004
Hellbourne,
I like your stories because they have a darker sexual side, but also a lot of well meaning emotion. The H/C dilema. The characters are faliable and real. I'm interested to see where you are going next with the plot. Angeline seems to have lost some of her dangerous quality. Is she really evil? Does Will get to marry his bonny lass? I hope to find out soon!
Prolix
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