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Reviews for Real love

By : AJG2007
  • From ANON - SweetGirl on January 26, 2008
    update soon
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  • From ANON - Kaytay on December 23, 2005
    The story is solid but the writing needs a lot of work.
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  • From ANON - Morningstar on June 07, 2005
    Like what you've done so far. They're not exactly speaking like they're from that era, but otherwice good. Like the Achilles/Paris-pairing.
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  • From ANON - Crecy on March 25, 2005
    PLEASE update soon!! Heh heh... i like this story. Its cute!!
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  • From kirameki on July 05, 2004
    I enjoyed this. The way they talk strikes me as kind of odd though. I mean, it doesn't sound like the ancient greeks might, or at least the characters you are portraying. I don't know, I suppose it lacks a certain eloquence I'm used to seeing in fics especially in this particular fandom. It could do with a bit of polishing up as well. Some of your sentences seem a little disjointed. I would suggest getting a beta. I'm saying this because it was rather distracting and puttin off off to the story, which, otherwis pis pretty good. The idea and plot is good. I just think it can be better if you put a bit more into it.
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  • From ANON - N/A on June 03, 2004
    manda is extrememly hot
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  • From ANON - Caska (to lazy to sign in) on May 24, 2004
    0.0 me like. me like a lot. GIMME MORE!!!! there is no way you can make this story any better its as good as it gets already ^_^ hope you update soon

    Love
    Caska
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  • From ANON - Deathy on May 20, 2004
    I like this story, Achilles is a bit out of character, but its still very good. Please continue. I cant wait till the two finally have "men sex". And what is going to happen to Paris? Will Achilles' jealous lover kill him!?!
    Oh you have to finish!!!
    ~Deathy
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  • From ANON - Bella on May 13, 2004
    Just some of that constructive crititism you were after...I found it very difficult to read this story, because your characters simply aren't believable. A large part of the problem is their speech...I really doubt that warriors in the time of the Trojan War called people 'pricks'. Also, 'gay' didn't start to mean 'homosexual' until recently. These are just examples. I know you might think that is nitpicky, but this story is set thousands of years ago, and your language must relect that. Otherwise, you should bring the scenario forward to modern times and call it an AU. Also, you might want to try using less exclamation marks. They are really unneccessary.
    I hope you don't think of this as a flame, cause it's not meant to be. I'm just trying to help you write better. Good luck with your writing.
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  • From ANON - Fiestyred on May 12, 2004
    I don't usually leave reviews because I don't have the time. And in some cases I just move on and forget that I ever read the story, but I must leave something here because I feel that you deserve to know for the reason that I believe that you have potential to grow as a writer if you are aware that there are people out there willing to give you constructive criticism. Please be aware that this is what this is and not a flaI amI am not here to tell you that your story sucks because I am a wr myr myself and I would hate to be in this same situation.

    Now that this is cleared up, let me get onto the main reason why I am here. The dialogue and... ... Quite frankly, they would definitely not talk or think like this in ancient Greek times. I'm sorry. It would be nice if you did some research before you posted the story. They don't use those forms of words like 'fuck' and 'shit'. It wasn't proper and I'm pretty sure they weren't even evolved back then. Also, you need to check your grammar and spelling. It's wise to get a beta reader to check your work before posting. A very wise decision. I think the idea is good, although it needs some work here and there, but it has potential just like most people and their work do. I have faith that you can do it. But it all comes down to the matter if you want to make that happ



    Good luck in the future.
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  • From ANON - kari-demon on May 10, 2004
    i'm glad that SOMEBODY remembered that Achilles is gay/bi! thank you sooooo much! *lots of hugs* write more soon!
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  • From ANON - Countess Dracula on May 08, 2004
    Okay, you asked for constructive criticism, so here it its. These three things were bothering me.
    First of all, the language they use is very "common.at Iat I mean to say is, they sound like they're here and now. I'm not asking you to learn Greek, but, forgive me, they sound like bad-ass high-schoolers.
    When writing, try to keep things in one tense. I noticed that verbs kept changing from past tense to present and back again. Stories want to be one or the other.
    And finally... I don't think there were headlights in ancient Greece.
    I do love the iof tof the story, of Achilles seducing Paris. Orlando is my guy and his vulnerability IS quite intoxicating... Remember that to get better at writing, you have to keep doing it! Power to the writers!
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  • From ANON - george on April 25, 2004
    i dont see how a nice, pretty person like you writes this, but ill support you. Very good even though im not gay. But you need to spell better. No offense. Keep writing.
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  • From ANON - Triptych on April 15, 2004
    Great chapter. I bet you won't get this in the film.
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  • From ANON - trojanprincess on April 11, 2004
    Cool, another Troy fic! Update soon, this story has alot of potential!
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