Reviews for AVP: One Unlucky Rookie

BY : C0yot372I


  • From mili on October 06, 2017

    Sorry I suddenly stopped reviewing, it was due to the update to the website that forbade anonymous reviews, which IMHO was a truly stupid decision. I DID however review this story on HF. I definitely like what you did with it and I'm looking forward to that Alien Isolation rewrite! Is there any way on this site to exchange PMs?



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  • From LoveBound95 on July 01, 2017

    I can't wait for an update!



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  • From Mystic on May 26, 2017

    Really love this story... I hope you will continue this soon!!!!



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  • From ANON - Santana on January 22, 2017

    Cool update, please more soon!

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  • From ANON - on January 09, 2017

    I need to clarify something from my last review: with the hip-hugger I didn't mean that that SHOULD happen, it was just a funny mental image I had. ......... Within the context of your story and Jane's experiences and... re-programming... by the Matriarch I don't even think such a facehugger experience would even fit or work as she does pretty well enough breeding through "normal" acts and so there is no need for a vector. ............IIIIIII............ This is your story and you should write it as you want it to be like, but if you accept votes, then please no human female slash (I accept Jane/Matriarch because it was vital for the plot). Yes, I'm reading this story, but slash and fem-slash is still a big turn-off for me. ............IIIIIII............ Also, it seems that this site doesn't feature formatting, so I apologize for the huge wall of text in my previous reviews. xD .... As you can see I'm now testing some possibilities to make breaks/paragraphs more apparent within the restrictions and make my reviews less of an eye-sore. Anyway, thanks.

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  • From ANON - on January 07, 2017

    The wait was excruciating, but oh-so worth it! My heart danced when I saw you updated. :)) Happy new year indeed!Beautiful, simply amazing chapter! Everything from the corruption, to sex, to the little mundane things like eating and sleeping that the game ignored and which I myself completely forgot about. I loved it and the detailed narration was perfect, like a sweet strawberry on top of a delicious cake! It shows you put a lot of effort, patience and love into your work and you can be rightfully proud of it.So, the spit makes her horny? I am really curious to find out what other effects and changes the royal jelly has left on/in her! Aside from her bigger breasts of course (which I very much appreciate). ;PAnd the dream... mmm, wonderful visualisation! The disappeared clothes made for a nice surprise (and the narration of the sensations of water running/dripping off her body and breasts were inspiring), too bad she wasn't forced to go without them for longer because I had this wonderful mental image of how she looked like only with her armor. :( Hm, considering she now has new pants, shouldn't she cut a hole in them too before they get messily ruined too? :D Though that definitely won't help her self-control what with the friction by her thighs and the teasing of the wind on her naked intimate skin working to keep her arousal simmering. But it does make it better for convenient, quick and easy access. ;-) Hm, even for a facehugger that she could happen upon and not be fast enough to kill. Lol, I imagine her trying to walk around with one of those things attached to her hips. Would be awkward to move indeed. :)I also really liked her hesitation and then decision that she couldn't kill her children, even though they were blood-thirsty killing machines, her maternal instinct awoken and dominating. Soon she will have created quite a big pack of her own - which could tip the balance of power in the game and help her progress. Which makes me curious: just how big WAS she when pregnant with these 7? Human pregnancy at 3 months? 4? More? I mean, in the movies and games a single one in chest never showed, but would 7 in her womb make her big and how much? Would even one in her womb show, considering unlike the chest/ribcage the part where the womb is is not constricted and is allowed to swell...Also, considering she had been pregnant with them, shouldn't she be lactating and thus be able to feed them with her breast milk? Or is that to come with her next pregnancy as this chemical process takes time to start in the human body? Her alien lovers (and she herself probably) would perhaps appreciate it as well.Yes, she should keep on trying to resist her slow seduction to the dark side (lol), no matter how futile it is. It's her fight against what she is becoming that is making it truly interesting. Btw., maybe she should start calling herself The Black Widow... she DOES kill every male she mates with. :PI recently replayed the game, inspired by your story and am very much looking forward to your next chapters and what will happen to/with Jane. Funny enough, this is the first time she's been not-pregnant for any amount of time since the very start of the game, lets see how long it lasts! :DAs much as the wait for this one was so worth it, I still slightly hope the wait for the next one won't be as long. BUT if it means the next one will be this good as well, I'm perfectly willing to wait. Thank you for your work!

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  • From ANON - Santana on January 05, 2017

    Waiting (im)patiently for the next chapter!

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  • From ANON - on December 25, 2016

    Loved it, exactly what I wanted! Can't wait to see what fate has the Queen altered Jane for. But, still, try to describe Jane's emotions a little while she is having sexy times and the sensations she experiences, both emotional as well as physical.Example, this part: "She had managed to get one burst in before the xeno disarmed her with a swipe of its tail, the handgun clattering off into the darkness before the creature reared back, open wide for a heavy strike. Jane turned and leapt for her gun, only for the alien’s heavy weight to crash down on her back."Could be filled with "She managed to get one burst in, but then she shrieked in terror as the xeno's tail swiped at her and knocked the weapon out of her hand. She watched in despair as the handgun clattered off into darkness, leaving her helpless at the mercy of the blood-thirsty creature that reared back for a killing strike. Feeling panic engulf her heart and terror making her movements clumy she leapt for her gun, but the attempt at salvation was quickly ruined by the alien as it intercepted her flight. The heavy weight of the alien creature trapped her against the floor; it's hard, chitinous chest meshing her smaller, softer form against the unyielding floor, eliciting pain in her tender breasts as their full shape was compressed into size they were not meant to be compressed into."True, into a chapter the same size you can squeeze much less events, but the readers get more out of that same size chapter because of the more descriptive style. This is especially important for erotic writing as it is sometimes used for help in solo sexual acts where more descriptions increase reader's arousal. Also, try to involve her pregnancies more into her actions. As or IF she grows bigger, especially if she has many spawns in her from her huge gang-bang, that would make her slower, less agile, drain her stamina a lot. She wouldn't be able to outrun the aliens which would lead to more sexy interruptions in her tasks. And since aliens can sense the spawns they wouldn't kill her, which would be a positive thing, but wouldn't mind putting more inside her.There is one more element that many writers ignore that can make an incredibly good story: slow corruption of the female lead. Excellent examples of this are Thrifty Goblin's Resident Evil story on hentai foundry and a Metroid story "A very different Zebes" on the same site. It's not a requirement, but it would be interesting to witness Jane to slowly give into her fate and her horror first as she realizes this.Anyway, sorry for this longwinded review, I'm looking forward to more soon.

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  • From ANON - on December 16, 2016

    great story, but could use some more details. For example, it must've been a bit uncomfortable for the Rookie to go across the entire base with her pants shredded and her crotch exposed to the elements, leaking semen; or how it must've hurt to move after being stretched so much and taken so brutally, or seeing her squadmates ripped apart, getting hit and so on.Hopefully one of those xenos will manage to knock her up (but not in that normal lethal way)! Would make for an interesting reading if she had to complete the game while having to deal with her accelerated pregnancy and the increased difficulty in survival (or just running away from horny aliens) the decreased agility and speed would bring.

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  • From Predaliena on December 15, 2016

    Oh damn, how I adore those horny Xenos! I hope you do more such scenes with them in the story. Maybe the Predators would also like to have their piece of luck ;)



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