Reviews for Life of stories & their worlds

BY : slayer-of-evil


  • From RogueMudblood on October 09, 2011

    First, I read on your profile that you're trying to use a script format. Script would be better done as

    Ella: Char, what are we going to do about this?

    and

    Bluebell: I know, but we have troubles of our own now with these new, kinder Trolls coming in.

    Please note I've also added punctuation to your dialogue. It helps us readers to know exactly what type of sentence we're reading (declarative, exclamatory, interrogatory) and prevents the thoughts you're trying to convey getting mashed together.

    If you're going for the script format, the "she replies" at the end of the statement is unnecessary, because it would be part of the line.

    If you were trying out prose, I would suggest:

    "Char, what are we going to about this? I don't think peace talks are going to help this time."

    The quotation marks help to set it apart from the idea that they are having this conversation as they share their evening repast.

    Second, I would suggest obtaining a beta. You can request one that will only give you technical writing advice so as to help with developing technique. We have a forum here for requesting one:

    http://www2.adultfanfiction.net/forum/index.php/forum/84-request-a-beta/

    and here for those offering their services:

    http://www2.adultfanfiction.net/forum/index.php/forum/83-become-a-beta/

    Please also take into consideration that "read & see" is not conducive to getting feedback. It conveys to me, as a reader, that you are not certain where your story is going, therefore cannot give me a summary.

    My best advice to you is to pick a format and stick to it and to obtain a beta to help with the technical aspects of your stories. As this stands, it is far too short for me to comment on anything but the technical writing, which, as a writer, will only help you grow so far. Once you have a solid grasp of the technical aspect, it will become much easier for you to expand upon your plot and tell the story you are wanting to tell.

    Report Review